As most of you know by now, I was recently asked to appear on the daytime talk show, Anderson hosted by Anderson Cooper. I was told that I was going to be discussing one of the articles that I wrote for The Huffington Post about men and women’s inability to share intimacy in modern society. Well, let’s just say that the rug was jerked out from underneath me when I arrived on set.
I was shocked to find out that even “respected journalists” are swayed by the sensationalism surrounding daytime television. I was attacked, berated and the entire segment had nothing to do with what I had written. My words were twisted and I became a whipping post for angry women everywhere. I spent the majority of the show defending myself for something I didn’t even say! I have been reeling from this incident for several days, if not weeks. But, I’m finally over it and moving on! It takes a lot more than that to keep me down! I spent a few days, if not a week doing some “mental health care days” and I’m feeling much better!
However, I am definitely scarred from the incident. Let’s just say that it brought back a lot of memories from childhood of having to endure insults and prejudices. I am now finding it hard to believe anything that I see read or see on television anymore. Trust me, I’ve never been naïve to the fact that you can’t believe everything you read or see on TV. But, in light of this election year and everything I’ve experienced I’m even more a non-believer!
It’s incredible how editing and the right mix of people can certainly make someone look completely different than how they truly are! A quick change in wording can certainly make something sound much, much different! So, as I always say – lesson learned! But, I hope that you will all watch the show on February 8th and write in to the show with your opinions – good or bad.
So now that I’ve made my peace publicly I can move on! This weekend holds some very exciting things! The relative that I made mention of in my post titled “Forgiveness” is flying in this evening for a visit. I am so excited! I can’t wait to hug her neck and tell her that I love her! It is a big step for her to fly all the way across the country but, she’s a strong girl and I couldn’t be prouder!
I hope that you will forgive me for being so behind on my emails but, I’ve been through the wringer this past month! But, positive energy trumps negativity any day! I’m on fire today and ready to get back in the saddle!! Get ready because there’s a lot of exciting things in store this month!
With Friendship and Love,
Beth =)
Bethany,
I’ve never been with a prostitute or to a brothel, so I’m a bit of a novice here, although I have cheated and been cheated on in relationships. But after watching the show online I want to say, you are a breath of fresh air! Well done.
Actually, I wasn’t at all surprised there was so much controversy on the show or that most of the people already had their minds made up; that’s the media; they know people love to watch that kind of dynamic and so plan their shows accordingly. That you were caught off guard does surprise me, but your surprise only shows how genuine and honest you are, which is a huge plus.
I have to disagree, though, with the many (yourself included) who feel you weren’t allowed to get your message out there. I think you got it out there beautifully and very effectively. Far more effectively than their chosen “expert.” I’m sorry you had to live through it, but you did really, really well, and I suspect a far higher percentage who watched the show appreciated the honesty of what you said than you realize.
So, “well done.” Now, let it go.
Best wishes.
Gary
I watched the last quarter of the show and yes you were blind sided. They were out to get you, and not give you a chance to see your side of the coin. I understand your way of thinking. Our society is so blind to reality especially women when ti comes to cheating. I also agree with what Tara had to say. You are a strong woman and its the strong ones who survive. You go girl.
Bethany, I just finished watching the Anderson show, and it was just a big bashing, no one dared to blame the man! The men who seek you out and they totally did not even let you speak. I have been married for ten years and was cheated on two years ago, and I do believe I may have been lacking on somethings but still, not enough for him to cheat on me, but what I did realize is that he did need more intimacy not only more sex. I wish you the best and thank you for being so brave on the show, believe me, even if people out there don’t admit it, they learned something from you.
I just got done watching the Anderson show that you appeared. I was really upset at how they betrayed you on the show. I felt Anderson and the crowd totally didn’t let you really explain what it is you do and why men come to you. I personally haven’t been with an escort, but I have a friends that have been with them. And from the little you got to say, I totally agree with you. Just from what my friends tell me and what I see in their relationships, I could understand why a guy would go to the arms of another woman that would give them what they need. I’m not backing you or the mistress that was on the panel just because I’m a guy, but because I do really believe that there is something lacking in a relationship if it causes a guy to go and have to pay for a GFE relationship, I don’t think it’s because it’s like “Ordering Pizza” best of wishes to you Ms. Bethany, and God bless you in all your future endeavors!
Tre
Hi Bethany,
I JUST finished watching Anderson, and I have to say that having just come out of a relationship where in a matter of 3 months my ex partner finalised his divorce (we got together just 2 months after his wife left him and we were together for about a year), left me 15 months pregnant with his child, and got married to a woman he started dating just weeks after we broke up (they were only dating 2.5 months before they were married), that yougave me a whole new perpective as to why everything all happened. There were many opinions thrown around on the show about why men cheat (I am sure that my ex was seeing this woman since the summer time when they first met – he never hid the fact they did meet from me however, but assured me it was just a friendship), I must agree with your statement that men stray because they are looking for a specific type of intimacy, be it with a Legal Prostitute or just another woman. He often went to her after we had arguements to *talk*, but always came home to me at night. While we had a VERY healthy sex life (5 – 7 times a week, if not more), we were missing the mental intimacy, and I think that this is often what leads men to stray. I dont so much think it is a physical intimacy that leads men to seek it out in other ways (though in some cases it is), and hearing what it is that you do, just reaffirmed my belief that it is the lack of mental and emotional connections that can cause men to seek out other women (or women to seek out other men; it is not a one way street). In anycase, I really did enjoy hearing what you had to say on Anderson today, and thank you for coming out and explaining what it is that you do.
Warm regards,
S
Typical media. I just saw the show. When I heard a prostitute was going to be on the panel I remember thinking to myself it’ll be a disaster. Every story needs a bad guy, and you got the part. Never trust the media, ever.
Bethany,
You were right on the money (pardon the pun) for the entire show. I believe you were ambushed. The selection of puritanical women on the panel was typical of someone trying to push an agenda.
Men want exactly what you describe. As a 42 year old man who was married for 18 years and in an empty loveless marriage for the final 5 years I unsderstand and agree with your position. When intimacy disappears in our relationships through emotional starvation we are going to seek it first from our partner but if our partner is not willing we are going to seek it elswhere. I never cheated but can understand completely why some men do. You are right it is not about sex it is about being valued and mentally engaged.
I wish that the show was not so onesided, for a bunch of women who said it was about listening they sure didn’t listen or even try to understand your postion. Theywonder why their husbands seek solace elswhere the probably extended the same type of “listening and understanding” to their husbands. Why do women have a preconceived notion of what men want? A smart woman would just ask us.
Anyhow enough rambling I admire you and hope that this experience has made you stronger and more convicted. You are right.
PS I found the woman who will listen and let me be a intimate man and let me shed then stereotype that all men wan is sex.
I just saw you on Anderson Cooper and I was appalled at how they treated you. While I didn’t agree with some of the things you said, I still wanted to hear you out – but they never gave you a chance!! I could see in the audience and the other guests eyes during he introductions that they were judging you before the segment even started, before you could even say a word. It seems like it was all set up to antagonize you. Thank you for your courage to show up on the show and to act the better person with class. It showed me a lot about Anderson Cooper and how his show is run.
I’m 17 but I just finished watching most of the Anderson show where you were a guest. I was actually a huge fan of Anderson’s until now. As soon as the show was over I texted my best friend angrily about how the audience and Anderson himself had treated you and spoken to you on the show. I believe it was very closed-minded of Anderson as the host to have made some of the comments he did. Let me not even get started with what the audience said. They didn’t understand the fact that you were there representing the prostitutes of the world but stating your opinion about intimacy and infidelity and to speak about your blog. The way you were treated on the show was completely uncalled for and it was obvious that almost everyone was thinking with a biased mind. I haven’t gotten to read your blog yet, but I definitely will. At least you were strong and held your ground the entire time. I admire that you went on the show in the first place. -Ari
I just watched Anderson and was SO disturbed by the way you were treated that I actually searched out your website to send you an email. First, I think that his show is crap. I think he is crap. I watch the show knowing that I will find myself screaming at the tv, mostly at him, at some point during the hour it is on. (I work from home and am clearly bored.)
Second, you were treated horribly. You have to know that nothing that was said to you was about you, and Anderson clearly enjoyed the controversy he was stirring up. You are in a unique position, you get to spend time with men who talk to you about things that they don’t want to talk about with their wives. The right or wrong of it was not up for debate. And for you to want to come forward and talk about your opinions and experiences is amazingly noble and brave of you. So bravo to you.
Please bounce back from this. Even on his website, people seem to realize the segment was awful. You have defenders, and there are people who aren’t judging you based on your profession.
Lastly, and I say this as a gay dude, you are gorgeous! It broke my heart a bit to see you look so crestfallen after the hatchet job you went through, and I just felt so compelled to make sure you know that, even though it probably felt like the whole world was against you, there was at least one dude, sitting down at home, totally on your side. (And, just to drive the point home further, I have been cheated on, and he went to prostitutes. I don’t blame the prostitutes, and he and I are both looking at what happened. Blaming the person he cheated on you with is like getting mad at a cold or the flu…pointless and misplaced.)
Chin up!
I will be 100% upfront. I had no idea who you where untill I happend to come accross the last portion of the anderson interview.
If you take nothing else away from it, know that you have atleast gained one more fan! Don’t let the masses get you down.
Beth,
Just caught the show here on the west coast. My take is simple you had a head on collision with puritanical ideology and dogma. As I postulated in my comment yesterday they could not put aside the preconceived notions of who you are and what you do to see your message. Instead you were the target of their projection/displacement and became a scapegoat for the ills, which by and large, they could not address or clearly identify. In addition, it appeared they were searching for a one dimensional answer to an issue which has a vast scope. As a result the ensuing conversation, as it applied to your role, became tangential. In the end much was lost substantively and a nice hit piece was created for daytime television. Its a shame the real point got lost in anger, misdirection, showboating and posturing.
Again I’m sorry you had to endure this.
Warmly,
Mav
Bethany,
I don’t normally find myself very affected by tv, but while watching Anderson just a few moments ago, I was SO irritated with how the show was presented. It was obviously staged and edited in a way to present you as evil and “the problem.”
When, at the end of the show, Anderson mentioned you had a blog, I had to search it out and share my support.
I am mostly a very conservative woman who feels very strongly about women and society. I spend the majority of my university career studying women’s issues.
Seeing women and Andersone basically attack YOU and blame YOU for men’s infidelity was absolutely ridiculous! They were making you out to be someone who was hunting out married men and ruining marriages…UH, hold on one second, isn’t it the other way around? Why are women blaming women for men doing wrong? Last time I checked, men DO have minds of thier own. THEY are the ones CHOOSING to see you and cheat on their spouses. Furthermore, I’m sure in your career you did not limit yourself to only married men…yet you were portrayed as this evil temptress, ruining lives and families.
Let me just say I see Anderson’s show in a whole new (negative) light. I probably won’t watch as frequently now that I see how biased it is.
I am so sorry that you were treated the way you were. I can only imagine how awful it must feel.
I’m sending my many hugs to you.
Just watched the show(which I watch alot) and wow, I will never watch again. I have worked and studied in Psychology, and with families for over 20 years. You should be very proud of yourself, you came across as educated, genuine and far more aware of the reality we live in. You(and the lady sitting beside you) made perfect sense to me, and looked far more intelligent than the others in the room. I wanted to come thru the tv, Everyone seemed to have blinders on, they were judgmental and defensive, but to me they were in denial, scared and selfish. Which is a shame, because if they only listened to what you had to say, they would have realized you were sharing life changing information with them. I immediately had to let you know, you keep up the good work and maybe some day more will embrace, but bottom line is, it is women like you who change the world.
PS. Strength comes from doing what you know is right, not what others think you should do. I tell my daughter this all the time. From what I have seen thus far, i would be proud if you were my daughter.
FIRST OF ALL, you done good. Just showing up is an action of pure bravery, courage and class!
Your steadfast commitment to what you believe in shines even brighter, today, than before this TV appearance. Instinctively, human beings rail or lash out whenever they feel threatened, jealous, less-than, out-classed, or attacked. Cooper did his job, that’s a fact. He gets paid by ruffling the feathers of whomever he “invites” to his broadcast. It may have gone farther than his normal, regular interview because of your presence -charisma, beauty, charm, intellect- and knowledge of the subject matter. Having followed you for awhile, you certainly held the advantage in all of the aforementioned. Nobody knows more about it, or why you were there and what’s on your agenda than…. you! I surmise that Cooper, being a man and all, was blown-away (no pun) by all that is Bethany and succumbed to feelings, emotions or whatever (I know I would!) and Journalism 101 kicked-in to defend his losing ‘face’ or the direction of the show, his ass and his job. So, manly lust, envy or jealously or ??? had to be redirected lest he fall flat in front of millions, his money-boys, and ‘the beauty with a cause’ – Bethany St. James.
SECONDLY, the truth will out- always does. In the meantime, this is going to be a bonus in disguise the more they attack, spin-sensational, mis-understand and/or, its sad to say- degrade or belittle you or your chosen profession. #1Rule in Jour-101, is attack when all else fails. Rule #2 is smile and repeat Rule #1.
THIRD, (& thats enough from me). These are just my opinions, and you know they’re like assholes.. . everyone.s got one. Feb 8 is must-see on TV for this admirer. Hang in, buckle-up, be patient- truth will out, and in this area you ARE the truth. Millions more are about to find that out too, thanks to Cooper. Take care, keep up on journaling and positivity!
Beth,
I’m so sorry you were put in such a incredible position, being this is the day before the air date, I have yet to see the piece. However, I watched Anderson today and they did show a commercial clip of this show. It does appear in this snippet you maybe set up as an antagonist or foil for the sake of the broadcast. The press is an interesting animal, in this day and age in particular. Being who you are, what you do and what it probably represents to most by and large, I don’t find this too awfully surprising. Who you are and what you do flies in the face of convention. Asking or expecting the sheeple to set any preconceived notions aside and actually adjudge what you have to say based in its own merit is quite a lofty request, especially given their sociological programming. If this is the direction you intent to walk in life I would expect more of this, in our culture the gravity of the BSJ machine will be formidable.
Warmly,
Mav