Happy New Year! Okay, okay…so I’m a little late! I’m sure it seems that I’ve had my head in the sand for the past few weeks but, I’ve actually been quite a busy bee! As many of you know, I went straight from Sheri’s to Florida to meet up with my family for what turned out to be a life changing trip. My niece cheered the South Carolina Gamecocks on to win the Capital One Bowl game in Orlando! She did an incredible job in the Halftime Show! We were all so proud! I was surprised to realize that that was not, however, what was to be the most amazing thing that ended my 2011 year.
It’s amazing sometimes how the universe can sometimes step in at the damndest times. I kept feeling that there was something else I had to complete before the end of 2011 rolled around and I simply could not put my finger on it. It was almost like a big road block in my creativity and I kept feeling a little lump grow in my throat at odd times. There was something almost haunting me that was yet to be completed that was literally keeping me from moving on and certainly from moving forward. There was something tugging at me that I HAD to get past before I could move on in my personal life as well as my career. Well, to say it became clear to me what it was would be an understatement because it can hurdling directly into my face on December 29th, 2011.
I spend a lot of time expressing the importance of love and forgiveness when, truth be told, there are some parts of my life that I have seriously dropped the ball in practicing what I preach. I wanted to focus on my family as much as possible the last few months of last year. It was important to me that they knew how much their love and support means to me. Especially as this BSJ Machine, as I like to call it, grows into something real and tangible. I will need to rely on their love more than ever. I was definitely feeling that my family unit, yourselves included, was stronger than ever.
However, on December 29th I received a phone call that changed my life. Someone with whom I had had a serious falling out with 10 years ago, a family member, contacted me after learning that I was in Florida. Of course I was reluctant to even speak to her on the phone fearing that more drama would ensue and ruin my very comfortable New Year plans. But, I did. When we spoke, there was something in her voice that I could tell was different that the previous times we had spoken so many years ago. There was a sense of sadness, desperation and longing for someone to give a damn. It rattled me. But, I was still determined to stand my ground. I was mad and I was certainly NOT going to let myself be fooled by her again. However angry, stubborn and pissed off I was- I agreed to rent a vehicle on New Year’s Day and take the 2 hour trek to Tampa.
Although, the details of her particular situation I will choose to keep within my family, I will say that her situation is devastating to say the least. I have never cried so many tears for another human being in all my years. I immediately, upon looking into her big beautiful doe eyes saw a young woman in peril. She needed help and literally had no one else to turn to. I saw the pain, the sadness and the regret pouring from her, due to the damage done by years of struggle; she never cried. We never uttered a single word of the ugliness of years gone by. We simply devised a plan to get her out of her current situation, get her into a safe place – financially and otherwise, get her back in school and on a path headed for a bright future.
This was it. This was the bridge I needed to cross before I could move on. Even as I type this, my heart is heavy and there is nothing I want more than to go back to Florida and throw my arms around her. I learned that forgiveness and compassion are not just pretty words. They are not just acts of kindness saved for strangers you meet. They are essential to having peace of mind, focus and a healthy life. Arguments and falling outs aren’t always repairable and sometimes, yes – people can be toxic to your life. But, when a person is in need – genuine despair and need- those arguments should be laid to rest. All those years of anger and resentment wasted. Her pride got in the way of asking for help and my anger got in the way of seeing her need.
Rest assured, dear friends, that this member of my family will have all the love and support from me that I can muster, as well as all the financial support the Lord will grant me. Her life changed as much as mine did on New Year’s Day. This year holds some incredible things for all of us. I am more motivated than ever to share a message of love, compassion, and forgiveness in all relationships – family, work, friendship and sexual intimacy. We can fix our lives. We can achieve happiness. We just have to realize that the world does not revolve around us. There are bigger things at play. The saying that is splashed across the front of my t-shirts holds more meaning for me now that ever…. Open Minds, Open Doors.
I hope that you’ll all forgive my absence the past few weeks and my massive amounts of run on sentences in this post!! I assure you there are incredible things on the horizon for all of us in 2012!
Now, I need to run – I have lots to accomplish this year!
With Love and Respect,
Beth =)
I simply wanted to thank you a lot more for the amazing blog you have developed here. It is full of useful tips for those who are definitely interested in that subject, especially this very post. You really are all amazingly sweet and thoughtful of others plus reading your website posts is a wonderful delight if you ask me. And such a generous present! Mary and I usually have excitement making use of your suggestions in what we must do next week. Our listing is a mile long and simply put tips will definitely be put to good use.
Beth, Mav, absolutely hit this on the nose in less space than a postage stamp. Forgiveness IS THE KEY to freedom thru the hallway of enlightenment. .. . humility is the door. Thanks to you both!
Hi Beth: Really enjoyed the Huffington Post article and your blog today, Jan 14th. Best of luck on your certification from Indiana University. FYI Indiana U is the home for the Kinsey Institute and I would invite anybody near IU to visit. Unfortunately it’s for research and we need so many more sex therapists and educators in the USA. Looking forward to following your blog. Hugs, Betsy
Hi Beth – not only is your story poignant and genuine, but it comes from the bottom of your heart. That’s for sure. I can only imagine the situation that she was in, having experienced a ton of hardship in my own life. To have someone there for her, especially after so much strife between you over the years is truly compassionate and priceless and I’m sure she’ll be eternally appreciative (admit, got a tear in my eye).
Best Wishes,
Meeshee
p.s. no, I didn’t count one run on sentence!
Happy New Year, Bethany! It is good to see that you are back from your holiday vacation well rested and in good spirit. What a touching diary that you have just posted. You know……..God often works in mysterious way. He doesn’t always give you the people that you want. Instead, he gives you the people that you need in order to hurt you, to leave you, to help you and to love you. He does this in order to mold you into the type of person that you were meant to be: empathetic, caring, loving, understanding and forgiving. With regards to your family member, sometimes all a person need is a hand to hold and a compassionate heart to understand……..and you filled that role very nicely Bethany!
People never really know what other people are going through unless they have walked in their shoes. Nobody really has it easy because everybody has issues. Everybody is fighting their own inner demon and unique war in one way or another. Forgiveness is not something that we do for other people. We do it for ourselves in order to get well and move on. Just remember that life goes on and that everything in life is only temporary. If things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. Nothing ever does. And if things are going bad, don’t worry because it can’t last forever either.
In the end, I like to think that life is like an open book. We always turn to new pages and grow into new chapters. Perhaps the message to this diary is that our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while so that we can see life again with a clearer view.
With admiration and affection,
Frank
Wow. What else can really be said? The emotions Bethany brought forth with her latest entry are difficult to describe: admiration;pride;respect…all fall woefully short.This is a young lady who continues to serve as an
object lesson to many. And should serve as a lesson to many more.Perhaps her words hit me as hard as they did because I have been…continue to be…in a family feud that seems unresolvable. When my brother and best friend Johnny passed away, I attempted to contact our oldest brother,who has been angry at Johnny & I for so long, I’m not even certain what the problem is. Unlike the caring and class that Bethany showed by going to talk with this girl, the only way I could notify our brother of Johnny’s passing was through the sheriff’s
dept.where he lives. And, though the deputy recommended he call me, no such call ever happened.What
Bethany did was just the opposite: when the chance was there to mend fences,she put her own hurt;her own pride aside to give this girl the chance she so obviously needed.So many of us talk about New Years resolutions. Bethany doesn’t need to. Symbolically,on New Years Day,she carried out one,without any of the
traditional year’s end pomp and circumstance. And, in many ways,the BEST resolution possible: forgiveness;
second chances; burying the hatchet…call it what you will.It still boils down to the same thing: helping someone
when they needed her help the very most.If there’s a finer example of how to begin a new year, I sure can’t
think of it! Imagine if we all tried that,just once. That’s humanity at its very best!Be proud of yourself,Bethany
St.James.You truly are a rare and amazing person and I think I speak for,besides the young lady who needed your help,but all of us lucky enough to know you.You truly are a gift to both family and friends alike!Please,do
us all a favor: never,ever change.Rick Garrett…p.s. Before you fault yourself for run-on sentences too much -
something I’ve been caught at several times myself – read a certain story,I won’t name which one, by THE
Stephen King. Although I’m a fan of much of his work, I was stunned to read a sentence in one story that runs,unbroken,for one ENTIRE page! So,please,cut yourself a little slack.
Well Done Beth!!! Nice to see you found forgiveness is the key element to freedom/action or as you put it ” the bridge I needed to cross before I could move on”. For some its hard to believe but forgiveness is more germane/important to the forgiver not the forgiven. As you found in the final analysis it served you just as much or more than the other party. It takes much courage to revisit a situation/relationship which was left in disarray and discontent in an attempt to put things to rest, as many times these efforts can be futile.This was the best gift you could have given yourself this holiday season or any other occasion, in addition to being a huge personal growth moment, I’m proud of you!!!!
Forgiveness is the giving and receiving of life in addition to being a supreme and absolute act of love. This is what those of us who know you have come to expect from you, so the final outcome of this issue is not terribly surprising, as love is pure Beth.
Warmly,
Mav