It is common knowledge that I grew up in the adult entertainment industry. I have held a passion for the industry in my heart for many years. One could even say that up until recent years, it is all that I have known. I have had the pleasure of performing on strip club stages in every major city in the United States. My earliest memories are of afternoons filled with laughter as day shift girls did my make-up in the dressing rooms of my Father’s clubs. I have memories, just as clear as day of busty blondes and brunettes with “panther-esque” features explaining the great importance of black eyeliner to me. I distinctly remember being told one afternoon, “The right set of false eye lashes can change your life!” Those words, still burned into my memory, always bring a smile to my face.

My years in the club industry allowed me to gain an immense knowledge of human nature as well as smart business. I learned what to do and what not to do on so many levels. The majority of life lessons I learned came from adult clubs. I’ve seen trends and changes in not only the industry but in clientele, their needs and problems. I’ve watched girls succeed, stand still and fall down. It’s been an interesting ride and I’m grateful to have paid the price. Those experiences have made me who I am and I wouldn’t change them for the world.

I have been a “working girl” for literally half my life. This year marks 18 years in the industry. I have worked every facet of the business possible – from a 16 year old door girl to a club manager, from an escort to a high end courtesan, from illegal to legal and everything in between. Although, my family’s background was strip clubs and pornography – I always enjoyed the world of prostitution most. I’ve delighted in the quiet one on one time, the intimate conversation and the relationships built over pillow talk. I have had some of the most wonderful clients a courtesan could ever hope to have. I have rejoiced in sharing many young men and women’s first sexual experiences. I have had the opportunity to be a part of some of the most powerfully, sensual experiences a husband and wife could have ever dreamed of embarking on. I have been the “girlfriend” to many fantastic gentlemen, even if just for a few short hours.

However, all good things must come to an end. I have decided that it is time to retire as a sex provider. It is time for me to take my message of personal empowerment, education and positive goal setting to a whole new level. My writing career has taken off in such a way that when I even attempt to put it into words, I am left only with a lump in my throat. The word “flattered” doesn’t even begin to explain how it feels to be acknowledged for what I have to say. I want to thank each and every one of you for making this dream a reality. I am eternally grateful for your interest in my unique and sometimes eccentric view of the world.

I am faced with new opportunities every day and I feel that my time is better served with philanthropy, writing, painting and the continued creativity of the Bethany St. James brand. I will be working full time on my projects and I couldn’t be any more enthralled! New items will be added to my store this month, my clothing line will launch by the end of the year and plenty of other surprises too! (Hey! I can’t give away all my secrets, yet!) Okay, Okay! I will give you one hint. Let’s just say, I hope you enjoy a good read!! My writing career and appearance schedule will be ramping up to amazing proportions and I’m delighted to share it all with you!

So, even though I am stepping out of the industry that I know best and will always love –I hope that you will continue to email me and show your support. Your words of encouragement have always been such a source of strength to me. They keep me going every day. I know together we can make some serious changes to the world around us and have a hell of a lot of fun doing it! I love you all so much!

With Friendship and Respect,
Beth =)

But no matter what the Negative Nancy’s have to say, my end goal is to be the poster child for positive goal setting and personal empowerment.  I intend to show the world that no matter where you’re starting from – you can always end up at the top if you want it bad enough!  No matter whether you are trapped in a job you hate, a stay at home parent, or a prostitute– whoever you are, wherever you are- you have the potential to reach whatever goal you set for yourself.  I’m also a firm believer that you should practice what you preach. The fact is that big talk is just talk unless you’re backing it up with action.

Today marked the completion of one of those goals for me. I have finished my program through Indiana University’s Sex Educator program and can now register to become a full-fledged member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.  I was truly emotional when I got the score from my last test. It was a moment that I wish I could’ve shared with each of you. It was a small accomplishment in the big scheme of things but honestly, it makes no difference if it’s a mountain, a boulder or a pebble – it’s still an obstacle conquered.

For those of you that follow me on Twitter and Facebook, you know that this has been a trying few months for me.  I have had my faith in the power of a positive spirit tested and thankfully have remained strong and unwavering in my quest.  This past week was no exception.  I had to take an unexpected trip to Florida to try and be a support system for the same family member I only recently connected with. She suffered the worst loss one can imagine at her tender age of 16.  Normally I would decline from sharing the details of such a personal event, especially when it isn’t directly mine to share. However, this time I think it needs to be said.

For those of you with teenage children, please listen up.  My young family member has had one true love her entire life. The amount of time they shared together was almost incomprehensible for their tender ages.  For reasons that will seemingly always remain a mystery, her 17 year old boyfriend chose suddenly and without warning to take his own life.  The amount of suffering she has had to endure in her young life is something I will never be able to understand.  Today’s victory of finishing my program seemed somewhat bittersweet knowing that on the same day that I reached such a milestone, she was attending the funeral of young person whose goals will never be met. My promise to her is that I always be here to help her take flight and overcome all of this. All I can tell her is the same I say to all of you, “Close your eyes, take a deep breath and get ready to fly because you’re destined for so much more.”

With Friendship and Love,

Beth =) 

However, I do need to warn those of you who submit questions to me. I am brutally honest and I don’t plan to hold back. I see things from a very different perspective than most people that I’ve come across and I plan to allow that to carry over in my column. I was raised to believe that honesty is important in every aspect of life. In my opinion, the only thing gained by not telling the truth is mistrust and misdirection. My intent is never to offend anyone but, only to give you a real, true no holds barred answer from my heart. My goal with this column is to empower men and women from all walks of life to look at their lives and situations a bit differently.

I’ve found that most of the advice columns I have read give cookie cutter answers that don’t get to the meat of the problem and diligently strive to not offend anyone. I call those “acquaintance answers.” Acquaintance answers are designed to just coddle you and make you feel better without actually taking any kind of a stance. Wait a minute….doesn’t that sound an awful lot like most of the presidential debates? Hmmm….

Anyway, I promise you that my column is not going to follow suit! Don’t get me wrong – my intent is certainly not to be controversial or harsh for the sake of gaining publicity or notoriety. I think we can all attest that I despise that kind of thing! But, I will be giving the bare bones, honest truth as I see it. So, as my very entertaining Father always says, “Then, whad’ya ask me for?! By God, don’t ask me if you don’t want the truth! You asked me – so, I’m gonna tell ya!” I suppose you can clearly see where I get it from, huh?!

With Friendship and Respect,

Beth =)

I was shocked to find out that even “respected journalists” are swayed by the sensationalism surrounding daytime television. I was attacked, berated and the entire segment had nothing to do with what I had written. My words were twisted and I became a whipping post for angry women everywhere. I spent the majority of the show defending myself for something I didn’t even say! I have been reeling from this incident for several days, if not weeks.  But, I’m finally over it and moving on! It takes a lot more than that to keep me down! I spent a few days, if not a week doing some “mental health care days” and I’m feeling much better!

However, I am definitely scarred from the incident. Let’s just say that it brought back a lot of memories from childhood of having to endure insults and prejudices.  I am now finding it hard to believe anything that I see read or see on television anymore. Trust me, I’ve never been naïve to the fact that you can’t believe everything you read or see on TV. But, in light of this election year and everything I’ve experienced I’m even more a non-believer!

It’s incredible how editing and the right mix of people can certainly make someone look completely different than how they truly are! A quick change in wording can certainly make something sound much, much different!  So, as I always say – lesson learned! But, I hope that you will all watch the show on February 8^th and write in to the show with your opinions – good or bad.

So now that I’ve made my peace publicly I can move on! This weekend holds some very exciting things! The relative that I made mention of in my post titled “Forgiveness” is flying in this evening for a visit. I am so excited! I can’t wait to hug her neck and tell her that I love her! It is a big step for her to fly all the way across the country but, she’s a strong girl and I couldn’t be prouder!

I hope that you will forgive me for being so behind on my emails but, I’ve been through the wringer this past month! But, positive energy trumps negativity any day! I’m on fire today and ready to get back in the saddle!! Get ready because there’s a lot of exciting things in store this month!

With Friendship and Love,

Beth =)

To be honest, I have found it difficult over the past few months to really determine exactly what the path is that I need to be on to get my message of empowerment and smart politics out there. With “legal prostitute” as the moniker that seems to overshadow all others, it’s been difficult to break out of the stereotypical “porn-esque” adult market and get my message out to a wider and more mainstream audience. Education and truth is my passion, as you know! But, let me tell you – it is as clear as day to me now where I need to be in my career and I certainly couldn’t be more excited!! I’m bubbling over with anticipation for the upcoming year and all that it has in store for us!

Although I have expressed a desire to be a mouth piece for legalized regulated brothels, I also want to be a voice for personal empowerment and sexual health education.  So! Like I always say – if you want something bad enough – let your dreams guide you and take steps to make them a reality!  I’ve begun an incredibly exciting program through Indiana University in order to receive my Sexual Health Educator certification in the hopes of being accepted in the AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Which is a non-profit organization that I hope will give me not only the credentials but the real time, know-how to really make an impact with my own future non-profit organizations. I know you’ve all heard me talking about these projects, the first of which being Strip Up, LTD and I certainly hope to make a reality soon!

I’m finding out more and more that the federal government is quite leery of new non-profits considering the current state of our economy. Although, I understand and I’m actually glad to know that they keep a watchful eye over these types of organizations – it isn’t making my life any easier! But, hey! I’m not one to take the easy way out in anything I do so, I’ll just take steps to do it the right way! It takes time, money and certainly a lot of the Bethany brand of “can do spirit!” I have faith in my project and look forward to the fruits of my labor helping others better their lives.

In the meantime, I’m working on a book and lots of other projects that I hope you’ll all keep an eye out for.  Next week, I will launch my Sex, Love and Life advice section on my site. I’m so looking forward to hearing about you, your life and anything else you’d like to share with me! There will be an email address designated just for those questions so, please, please, please do not hesitate to email them over!  Well, I suppose I should wrap this up and get to work on all the other things I have to do today. I leave for Sheri’s tomorrow and I’m looking forward to another exciting visit chock full of new adventures!

With Love and Friendship,

Beth =) 

It’s amazing sometimes how the universe can sometimes step in at the damndest times.  I kept feeling that there was something else I had to complete before the end of 2011 rolled around and I simply could not put my finger on it. It was almost like a big road block in my creativity and I kept feeling a little lump grow in my throat at odd times. There was something almost haunting me that was yet to be completed that was literally keeping me from moving on and certainly from moving forward.  There was something tugging at me that I HAD to get past before I could move on in my personal life as well as my career.  Well, to say it became clear to me what it was would be an understatement because it can hurdling directly into my face on December 29^th, 2011.

I spend a lot of time expressing the importance of love and forgiveness when, truth be told, there are some parts of my life that I have seriously dropped the ball in practicing what I preach.  I wanted to focus on my family as much as possible the last few months of last year. It was important to me that they knew how much their love and support means to me. Especially as this BSJ Machine, as I like to call it, grows into something real and tangible. I will need to rely on their love more than ever.  I was definitely feeling that my family unit, yourselves included, was stronger than ever.

However, on December 29^th I received a phone call that changed my life. Someone with whom I had had a serious falling out with 10 years ago, a family member, contacted me after learning that I was in Florida.  Of course I was reluctant to even speak to her on the phone fearing that more drama would ensue and ruin my very comfortable New Year plans.  But, I did. When we spoke, there was something in her voice that I could tell was different that the previous times we had spoken so many years ago.  There was a sense of sadness, desperation and longing for someone to give a damn. It rattled me.  But, I was still determined to stand my ground. I was mad and I was certainly NOT going to let myself be fooled by her again. However angry, stubborn and pissed off I was- I agreed to rent a vehicle on New Year’s Day and take the 2 hour trek to Tampa.

Although, the details of her particular situation I will choose to keep within my family, I will say that her situation is devastating to say the least. I have never cried so many tears for another human being in all my years.  I immediately, upon looking into her big beautiful doe eyes saw a young woman in peril.  She needed help and literally had no one else to turn to.  I saw the pain, the sadness and the regret pouring from her, due to the damage done by years of struggle; she never cried. We never uttered a single word of the ugliness of years gone by. We simply devised a plan to get her out of her current situation, get her into a safe place – financially and otherwise, get her back in school and on a path headed for a bright future.

This was it. This was the bridge I needed to cross before I could move on.  Even as I type this, my heart is heavy and there is nothing I want more than to go back to Florida and throw my arms around her.  I learned that forgiveness and compassion are not just pretty words. They are not just acts of kindness saved for strangers you meet. They are essential to having peace of mind, focus and a healthy life. Arguments and falling outs aren’t always repairable and sometimes, yes – people can be toxic to your life. But, when a person is in need – genuine despair and need- those arguments should be laid to rest. All those years of anger and resentment wasted. Her pride got in the way of asking for help and my anger got in the way of seeing her need.

Rest assured, dear friends, that this member of my family will have all the love and support from me that I can muster, as well as all the financial support the Lord will grant me.  Her life changed as much as mine did on New Year’s Day.  This year holds some incredible things for all of us. I am more motivated than ever to share a message of love, compassion, and forgiveness in all relationships – family, work, friendship and sexual intimacy.  We can fix our lives. We can achieve happiness. We just have to realize that the world does not revolve around us. There are bigger things at play.  The saying that is splashed across the front of my t-shirts holds more meaning for me now that ever…. Open Minds, Open Doors.

I hope that you’ll all forgive my absence the past few weeks and my massive amounts of run on sentences in this post!! I assure you there are incredible things on the horizon for all of us in 2012!

Now, I need to run – I have lots to accomplish this year!

With Love and Respect,

Beth =)

What’s interesting about my friendship with her is that is has not been a rose garden. We have argued and fought like an old married couple for as long as we have known each other.  But, it just goes to prove that every relationship, no matter it’s premise- romantic, business or friendship – it needs TLC and requires effort. Someone once told me that you don’t have to agree with all of your friends’ decisions and beliefs in order to respect them. I know this to be true. I also know that it’s these kinds of differences that design the blueprints for a lasting and understanding relationship.

All too often, we focus on the differences we find within one another and use them as a reason to find fault. If we make an effort to understand each other and find beauty in those differences we can learn to appreciate them.  They only serve to help us better understand ourselves and become better people.  Like I said, my relationship with my friend is not perfect but, we both know without a doubt there is unconditional support. It was a joy to have her here and a sorrowful goodbye. It gives me a warm feeling to know that years from now the time we spent during these two weeks will be fodder for stories told by two little old ladies over coffee.

I love you, girlfriend……

Beth =)

Many times I feel that we as humans become so judgmental of each other and fail to practice the art of understanding that we begin to develop pre-conceived notions about one another that block the ability to understand where someone is really coming from and who they are. Although that may be the world’s longest run on sentence, I don’t know any other way to express my thought.

Personal responsibility and forgiveness are words that I use frequently. I consider myself an open minded and caring person. I make it my goal every day to help people understand one another & to understand that every single member of the human race has personal struggles & demons of their own. Taking personal responsibility for how we react to those struggles in our own life allows us to be kinder, gentler & more forgiving people. Being understanding of each others struggles allows us to be better communicators and the ability to open ourselves to friendship.

When confronted about behaviors, our first instinct is to become defensive & attack. We are all guilty of it, myself included. If we could just step back, take a moment to think and allow a rational conversation to take place, we might realize that the other person may have a few good points! Being hurtful and making assumptions about someone doesn’t stand to serve any purpose whatsoever.

We are all in this together and being hateful & hurtful just makes the journey that much harder. You can’t know what’s in someones heart without taking the time to find out. We need to stop labeling people by their profession, their looks, their clothing or their friends. Everyone of us could benefit by asking questions and allowing ourselves the opportunity to judge one other by their merits. Take time. Get to know each other before rushing to judgement. Find out for yourself. Take personal responsibility for your actions. Life will be much simpler and the road less rough.

Im sure there are many typos in this post but as I said I am using this diary as such…. sleep well, everyone. I’ll now be able to do the same! Thanks for listening.
With Love & Friendship,
Beth