Need Advice? Email Your Questions Here
April 21st, 2012
Hi Beth, I’ve never felt comfortable asking questions like this before but after reading some of your posts and articles I think you may be able to give me an honest answer. I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two, both of whom have left for college and have lives of their own. I have reached every career goal I have set for myself. I lead a very happy and fulfilled life. However, I have always had a fascination with the porn industry. I am very interested in trying my hand, so to speak in this field. As I said, I have accomplished everything I have ever set out to accomplish so this would not be for anything other than my own personal enjoyment. My question to you is how can I know where to start safely? -Emma
Hi Emma!
I usually do not offer advice when the famous “I want to get into porn and don’t know where to start” question is posed to me. But, your situation is a bit different so, I will happily give you my opinion. My advice to you is probably not going to be what you want to hear. But, you asked for honesty so, here it is.
You mentioned being divorced. Are you dating right now? I will assume that you are since you made it clear that you have a very fulfilling life. Are you ready to throw your very comfortable and happily fulfilled life a serious curveball? That is really what it all comes down to. Thanks to the internet, long gone are the days of anyone doing anything within the porn business in secrecy. Ask yourself if you are willing to have your children view some of your work. You also mentioned a fulfilling career. Are you ready for your co-workers, former or current, to confront you, or even worse NOT confront you about your new found hobby? Keep in mind that many people will not give you the courtesy of asking you about it to your face. So, many of the people you have held near and dear will suddenly have a much different opinion of you. Although many will say, “who cares what people think.” That attitude is easier said than actually done.
I’m very glad to know that this is not a financial decision on your part. The reason I say that is, contrary to popular belief sex work within the porn industry is far from lucrative. Those days have been gone for many moons. Most companies offer little to nothing for their actors and actresses to perform for many hours just to grab one or two scenes. Porn has become quite pre-fab and sadly talent has become a dime a dozen.
You may want to really examine the reasons you are fascinated, to use your word, with the industry. Is it because there is a camera in the room? Is it because you want the attention? I’m afraid that you may be disappointed. It is most likely that your fascination is more about the accolades associated with “being a porn star” than the actual act itself. I hate to disappoint you but many of the “stars” of the industry are having a hard time keeping their name in lights, so to speak. With new talent and even more desperate talent willing to do most anything for a chance to get approval arriving on the doorstep of every guy with a camera these days, your chances of making it big are slim. You may want to indulge yourself with a webcam from the safety of your own home for a while to ensure this is really something you want to do before venturing into a more public domain. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s really the attention you are craving more than anything else.
With Friendship and Love,
Beth =)
March 3rd, 2012
I am a 53 year old man who has been married for twenty years. I recently found out that my wife has been having an affair for the better (or worse) part of 2 years. I began to get suspicious and after debating for months on what to do, I finally decided to look through her phone. I found emails, text messages and even pictures of them together. He is at least 10 years younger than I am. When I worked up the nerve to confront her about it, she laughed at me. She said that I deserved to be cheated on because I am not man enough to have noticed and that our life, including our sex life, was boring. I considered myself a loving husband for 20 years and I never thought it would end this way. I don’t think I deserved this. Should I have seen the signs? She’s always been one to do her own thing so, it never occurred to me to check up on her or to be suspicious. I guess I expected her to respect me the way I respected her. Thanks, William
William,
No one ever deserves to be the victim of infidelity. I honestly feel that if someone is unhappy in their relationship, they should put their big kid pants on and deal with it like an adult. It seems to me that she was simply trying to make herself feel better about being a liar. Sometimes, we will rationalize why we told a lie just to ensure that we can live with ourselves. That certainly seems to be the case here. When you blame and criticize others, you are obviously avoiding some truth about yourself. If I were asked to form an opinion on your wife’s behavior based solely on the information you provided, I would say she is an immature woman who was too afraid to face up to her infidelity and inability to tell you the truth. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. As they say, the worst part about being lied to is knowing you weren’t worth the truth.
You mentioned that you were a loving husband for twenty years. Although, I’m not able to say with complete certainty that is a true statement, I feel confident that there is probably some truth to it. I don’t think that someone who was an intentionally bad husband would feel such deep hurt over this situation. I want you to hear what I am telling you. Are you listening? The fact that you did not notice your wife’s unhappiness is only your fault if she expressed this to you openly and you chose to ignore it. If she did not verbalize her feelings to you, you owe her no apology whatsoever. Sadly, most of us are not blessed with sooth saying powers or crystal balls.
I have never understood why someone would have an affair. It seems like an awful lot of work to me just to maintain a lie. Wouldn’t it just make more sense to come clean with your spouse or partner, admit there are problems and either work through them or amicably decide to call it quits. Lying doesn’t ever save anyone’s feelings because at some point it will all come out in the wash. William, I hope that you will take the time you need to heal. Keep in mind that you are capable of loving again. You said it yourself, you were a loving husband. There is nothing saying that you can’t be again. I’m always here to help anyway that I can and I will listen anytime you need a shoulder. It may take me a bit to respond but, I promise that I will.
With Friendship and Respect,
Bethany
February 21st, 2012
Hi Beth, I have been reading your blog and I think you are very informative and smart. I’m a stripper and have 2 sugar daddys. Some people would consider me an escort since I have sex with them and they support me financially. But isn’t money and sex exchanged in every relationship? Anyway, I’m intrigued and curious about working at a brothel. Do you have any advice? Thanks so much. -Gabriella
Hi Gabriella!
Thank you so much for the compliment! I’m sure you are quite an intelligent lady yourself. It took a lot of courage to email me your question with such honesty about your situation. Let’s break your question up into sections, shall we?
Your first question is really asking me for my opinion on whether having a sugar daddy is the same as being an escort. My answer is yes. I have worked every aspect of the adult business and in my opinion no matter whether you are a dancer or a porn star or a working girl – if you are having sex for money – you are a prostitute. I have never denied what I do. A lot of people in the industry will try to compartmentalize and justify what they do behind closed doors by adding titles, labels and prettier words to make themselves feel better. I say, if you are ashamed of what you do and cannot admit to it – then you are in the wrong line of work and may want to re-evaluate your situation.
Now let’s address the second part of your question: “Aren’t money and sex exchanged in every relationship?” I’ve been asked this a lot. I feel that sex and money are exchanged in some, not all relationships. I do, however feel that human beings use their sexuality for personal gain a lot more than most will openly acknowledge. I also feel that we use money as a personal bartering tool more than we care to admit. For example, many times when someone takes their significant other out for a nice dinner and a night on the town – yes, they are hoping that the night will end in sex. But, does that mean that every relationship has these ulterior motives? No. It’s a complicated question. I suppose the best way to sum it up is this: Would you be spending time with that person or engaging in sex with them if money was not involved?” If the answer is “No,” then I think you’ve answered your own question, really.
Last but not least, let’s tackle the final portion of your question. I think it’s admirable that you want to come to the legal side of the fence! However, there are many things to consider. Are you planning on saving the money that you make in order to eventually move out of the business? Do you have plans that go beyond this industry? I ask this because you are obviously seeking a change. Sometimes changes can be life changing, amazing and positive on the upward swing! However, sometimes changes can be lateral, meaning that you aren’t really going anywhere of any real significance. So, here’s the question I’m asking you: Are you thinking of making the move from illegal prostitution to legal because you want to better yourself and start down the path of positive change? Or are you looking for an easy way out of the situation you’re in? Evaluate that. If you just want out then you need to spend some time doing some serious self exploration.
If you really want to use the business as a stepping stone and have a plan of action for the future in mind then you’ll need to do a lot of research. You’ll want to take a trip to Nevada and visit the Ranches for yourself. Take the time to find the place that is right for you and has the empowerment of it’s ladies in mind. It’s important to be surrounded by positive ladies and staff so you can keep your goals in mind. Working at a legal brothel is a job –not a career. Remember that. Do your research and see things for yourself – do not go blindly in and just believe what anyone tells you. That goes for every aspect of life and not just legal brothels. Exercise your right to be an informed and educated woman about everything you do. Another thing you need to consider is that you have a responsibility to practice safe sex inside the Ranch as well as outside the Ranch. We take STD’s very seriously and it is a commitment. But, of course it’s common sense to always practice safe sex!
I hope this helped. Always keep in mind that I am here for you. You can email me directly anytime. I can sometimes take awhile to answer but, I promise that I will! I’m more than happy to help you set some positive goals so you can be the incredible, intelligent, successful person you were meant to be!
With Friendship and Love,
Beth =)