I never knew how much practice it can take to really become comfortable in your own skin! It’s been such a fun transformation and one that is so much more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. I had no idea what a shroud of falsehoods had been placed before me the past 20 years. I have always been a scholar in the “Just Be Yourself” school of thought. I had little recognition of the fact that, I myself had fallen prey to the evils of being what others would want you to be instead of staying true to the person I was intended to be. I have discovered such wondrous truths about myself the last few weeks.
I made a vow to myself to wear make-up “only when necessary.” You know what I discovered? I’m still pretty and that’s okay. It has taken me a lifetime to see my own beauty beyond the eyeliner. I removed my hair extensions (All that hair? Nope. Not all mine.) You know what I found? I like the way my naturally curly hair looks and that’s okay, too. In fact, I feel like a beautiful Cajun princess. I feel like the woman I was intended to be.
Don’t get me wrong – I will always enjoy make up and getting dressed up in full “Bethany Regalia.” I’ll always be a girly girl. However, I no longer feel that I have to look like that in order to feel pretty. I had always said to the women and men around me that they should be proud to be their naturally beautiful selves but, I never realized that I was just as guilty! Quite possibly the guiltiest one of all! I am woman enough to admit that I was lying even to myself!
I look in the mirror at my naked face now and smile. I am stripped down to my most natural self and I have learned to love her. She’s not so bad after all! It may sound silly but, I have never had a “casual style.” I have always been either ready for bed, ready for work or ready to be “seen.” My previous so-called ‘casual style’ actually took quite a bit of preparation. For the first time in my life, I have the opportunity to be casual with no one to please but myself. I like it. I have found that I like beach wear. I like windblown hair, shorts and “beachy” colored tee shirts. Who knew?!
I recently wrote an article for The Huffington Post called “Flawed Inspiration” about this exact subject. When I wrote it, I really believed that I was comfortable with myself. But I was wrong. To be honest, I don’t think I had ever lived a life where I had the opportunity to even know what that really meant. I had never had a chance to discover exactly who I am. I never knew what I like to do, what I like to wear, and how deep my love for being outside truly ran. For example, I’ve always known that I liked hiking. But had I never had time to really discover exactly how much I love hiking! I’ll share something with you that may be surprising; I never learned how to ride a bike. So guess what?! I will be learning to ride a bike this month! How exciting is that?! Seriously!!
I’ve always been a country girl but, never a country girl just living to impress myself with my achievements and the joy of hearing my own laughter. A very wise man I know and (have a great deal of respect for) recently said something that struck me as pure gold. His wise words were that “at the end of the day, we are only running a race with ourselves. “ My goals are now more important than ever because they are mine and mine alone. I don’t owe anyone anything – I only owe it to myself to be proud of my accomplishments and the person I am. I hope that you’ll look in the mirror today and really look deep inside what you see. Are you being true to yourself or are you doing what I did for far too long?! Enjoy the journey of discovery! It’s a journey you’ll never regret embarking on, I assure you!
With Love and Respect,
Beth =)
Since my sudden and anti-climactic exit from the adult entertainment industry, legal brothels specifically, I have experienced an incredible amount of clarity. I suppose you could say I have been looking at life through a different set of rose colored glasses. I have stripped off many of the emotions and the people that surrounded me and clouded my judgment on many issues. I have cleaned my proverbial house and removed many of the unnecessary items that seemed to clutter it up. I’m of the opinion that many times in our lives; we attach ourselves to feelings and people simply because at the time – they seem to hold a sense of comfort or even the possibility of answers. But what I have noticed is that when those feelings and people are no longer needed; an interesting transformation begins to take place.
Those emotions you were clinging to for comfort and serenity are often blossoming into something I call “untapped drive and power.” The people that you were attaching to and relating to now seem to offer little more than a helping hand back down. It’s important to tell them that you love them and to always remain thankful for the friendship they gave you. However, it is also important to recognize that, all though well intentioned, they don’t always have what’s best for you in mind. They may even secretly hope you will crash and burn in a fiery mess so, that they can be there to pick up the pieces. Also, so that in the friendliest of ways, of course – tell you how they told you so as they clean your wounds.
When I look back upon the events of the past year, I smile. I have had some of the best times of my life in the past 365 days. I have traveled, I have met fascinating people, I’ve had experiences that I could have never imagined being a part of and most importantly, I have watched my dreams flourish. This newfound clarity has awakened me to the fact that although electrifying and awe inspiring – it was yesterday. It was in the past.
I can no longer hold onto the beauty of yesterday if I am to move forward. The true colors of the magnificent morning sky have painted a much different picture than what I saw previously. It’s time for new beginnings, new hope and the possibility of new wonders around every horizon. I find now that I don’t have the pressures of those things in days past, I am now able – and maybe for the first time in my life – to really open myself up and reveal myself in the most raw and truest of forms.
There is nothing holding me back from creating a reality I alone own. I certainly don’t have anything or anyone holding me back from saying what it is that I have to say. I am now able to get gritty and distance myself from the polished, stainless steel versions of my thoughts. It’s refreshing, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I am exactly where I need to be. I am in a quiet place and happier than I ever have been. I walked, or some may argue that I actually ran away from the noise of Vegas. I sought solace by uprooting and moving to a quiet place of serenity in Southern California. It has certainly been the Windex for the windows of my soul, so to speak and I have zero regrets about it!
Ok, well I have a meeting I need to get ready for so, I need to run. As always, thanks for listening!
With Love and Friendship,
Beth =)
I’ve spent the past few weeks reflecting on my life and the goals that I have set for myself. I have also spent a lot of time making some fairly important life decisions as well. I have been slowly preparing myself for some big changes. Well, today is the day that I let the cat out of the bag! I’m excited, nervous and even a little nauseous. But, I’m finally ready. So, here we go….
It is common knowledge that I grew up in the adult entertainment industry. I have held a passion for the industry in my heart for many years. One could even say that up until recent years, it is all that I have known. I have had the pleasure of performing on strip club stages in every major city in the United States. My earliest memories are of afternoons filled with laughter as day shift girls did my make-up in the dressing rooms of my Father’s clubs. I have memories, just as clear as day of busty blondes and brunettes with “panther-esque” features explaining the great importance of black eyeliner to me. I distinctly remember being told one afternoon, “The right set of false eye lashes can change your life!” Those words, still burned into my memory, always bring a smile to my face.
My years in the club industry allowed me to gain an immense knowledge of human nature as well as smart business. I learned what to do and what not to do on so many levels. The majority of life lessons I learned came from adult clubs. I’ve seen trends and changes in not only the industry but in clientele, their needs and problems. I’ve watched girls succeed, stand still and fall down. It’s been an interesting ride and I’m grateful to have paid the price. Those experiences have made me who I am and I wouldn’t change them for the world.
I have been a “working girl” for literally half my life. This year marks 18 years in the industry. I have worked every facet of the business possible – from a 16 year old door girl to a club manager, from an escort to a high end courtesan, from illegal to legal and everything in between. Although, my family’s background was strip clubs and pornography – I always enjoyed the world of prostitution most. I’ve delighted in the quiet one on one time, the intimate conversation and the relationships built over pillow talk. I have had some of the most wonderful clients a courtesan could ever hope to have. I have rejoiced in sharing many young men and women’s first sexual experiences. I have had the opportunity to be a part of some of the most powerfully, sensual experiences a husband and wife could have ever dreamed of embarking on. I have been the “girlfriend” to many fantastic gentlemen, even if just for a few short hours.
However, all good things must come to an end. I have decided that it is time to retire as a sex provider. It is time for me to take my message of personal empowerment, education and positive goal setting to a whole new level. My writing career has taken off in such a way that when I even attempt to put it into words, I am left only with a lump in my throat. The word “flattered” doesn’t even begin to explain how it feels to be acknowledged for what I have to say. I want to thank each and every one of you for making this dream a reality. I am eternally grateful for your interest in my unique and sometimes eccentric view of the world.
I am faced with new opportunities every day and I feel that my time is better served with philanthropy, writing, painting and the continued creativity of the Bethany St. James brand. I will be working full time on my projects and I couldn’t be any more enthralled! New items will be added to my store this month, my clothing line will launch by the end of the year and plenty of other surprises too! (Hey! I can’t give away all my secrets, yet!) Okay, Okay! I will give you one hint. Let’s just say, I hope you enjoy a good read!! My writing career and appearance schedule will be ramping up to amazing proportions and I’m delighted to share it all with you!
So, even though I am stepping out of the industry that I know best and will always love –I hope that you will continue to email me and show your support. Your words of encouragement have always been such a source of strength to me. They keep me going every day. I know together we can make some serious changes to the world around us and have a hell of a lot of fun doing it! I love you all so much!
With Friendship and Respect,
Beth =)